January 26, 1998
Tonight’s the night I’ve been dreaming of for years. I hadn’t always imagined it this way– usually, I’d picture a giant stage, me…in a floor-length sequin gown, and a rolled-out red carpet. I pictured cameras flashing and a marquee reading “Colleen Clark’s One Woman Show on Love and Triumph.” I pictured a crowd cheering “Bravo!” and tourists fighting in lines for my autograph. But, we just don’t have control over how, or when, or why we became famous. This was my destiny.
Tonight, my family was interviewed by the french news– they wanted to hear from a typical American family about their feelings on the Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky scandal. I, for one, think its super gross. Some of my friends have made it to second base, but none of them have done that. And he’s the President! I mean, he’s totally supposed to be a role model for leaders or whatever. But we’re democrats so we want him to stick around and help more poor people.
Everyone in my family got their chance to talk. First, my parents spoke about all of the things President Clinton has done to help our country. Apparently, he has met with a bunch of important people all around the world, started some volunteer thing in America that’s like the Peace Corps, and helped create jobs for people that didn’t have them. I don’t think that I could ever be president because you’re always so busy, and you kinda have to be a know-it-all. Anyways, they said that it didn’t matter that he did the nasty with an intern because he was a good president.
Then they asked my older brother Zach what he thought. I wasn’t really listening to his section because he thinks he knows everything. I mean, why would people in France care what my brother has to say? He’s just some high schooler who doesn’t even have that many friends.
Then came my turn. I laid all my cards on the table– Mr. Clinton had not been a good role model for me, or my friends, and I wondered aloud how we could trust a man like that to lead our country. Several of my friends had told me that I looked like Monica Lewinsky, and even though I totally disagreed, I pointed this out so my new-found french fans would recognize me days later when I planned to be featured on the cover of Seventeen. (Headline reads: “Colleen Clark Takes on Global Politics, Sex, and Love.”) I even looked up some of the news on the internet and quoted what I found on AOL. My speech was exactly four minutes and 22 seconds, but the interviewer guy rudely cut me off in the middle and said, “So, do you think the President should be impeached or not?” I didn’t know! How could I have the answer to this…I’m only in 8th grade!?! I just stared at him for awhile. Hopefully they didn’t cut my part off.
Finally, they asked my little brother Jacob…whose like 9 and apparently is able to comment on national politics. Anyways, he said that the president should be “peached” and everyone thought it was adorable. That damn pre-pubescent, crustache little boy stole my show!
Weeks later, we received a tape in the mail with the 3 minute video clip. I hadn’t made the rounds of edits, and was totally devastated. Years later, I’m still pretty sad, with a twinge of gratitude…can you imagine my TV debut being me rambling about Monica and Bill? Have you ever been on TV– or had your five seconds of fame?