Almost Famous

January 26, 1998

Tonight’s the night I’ve been dreaming of for years. I hadn’t always imagined it this way– usually, I’d picture a giant stage, me…in a floor-length sequin gown, and a rolled-out red carpet. I pictured cameras flashing and a marquee reading “Colleen Clark’s One Woman Show on Love and Triumph.” I pictured a crowd cheering “Bravo!” and tourists fighting in lines for my autograph. But, we just don’t have control over how, or when, or why we became famous. This was my destiny.

Tonight, my family was interviewed by the french news– they wanted to hear from a typical American family about their feelings on the Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky scandal. I, for one, think its super gross. Some of my friends have made it to second base, but none of them have done that. And he’s the President! I mean, he’s totally supposed to be a role model for leaders or whatever. But we’re democrats so we want him to stick around and help more poor people.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Everyone in my family got their chance to talk. First, my parents spoke about all of the things President Clinton has done to help our country. Apparently, he has met with a bunch of important people all around the world, started some volunteer thing in America that’s like the Peace Corps, and helped create jobs for people that didn’t have them. I don’t think that I could ever be president because you’re always so busy, and you kinda have to be a know-it-all. Anyways, they said that it didn’t matter that he did the nasty with an intern because he was a good president.

Then they asked my older brother Zach what he thought. I wasn’t really listening to his section because he thinks he knows everything. I mean, why would people in France care what my brother has to say? He’s just some high schooler who doesn’t even have that many friends.

Then came my turn. I laid all my cards on the table– Mr. Clinton had not been a good role model for me, or my friends, and I wondered aloud how we could trust a man like that to lead our country. Several of my friends had told me that I looked like Monica Lewinsky, and even though I totally disagreed, I pointed this out so my new-found french fans would recognize me days later when I planned to be featured on the cover of Seventeen. (Headline reads: “Colleen Clark Takes on Global Politics, Sex, and Love.”) I even looked up some of the news  on the internet and quoted what I found on AOL. My speech was exactly four minutes and 22 seconds, but the interviewer guy rudely cut me off in the middle and said, “So, do you think the President should be impeached or not?” I  didn’t know! How could I have the answer to this…I’m only in 8th grade!?! I just stared at him for awhile. Hopefully they didn’t cut my part off.

Finally, they asked my little brother Jacob…whose like 9 and apparently is able to comment on national politics. Anyways, he said that the president should be “peached” and everyone thought it was adorable. That damn pre-pubescent, crustache little boy stole my show!

Weeks later, we received a tape in the mail with the 3 minute video clip. I hadn’t made the rounds of edits, and was totally devastated. Years later, I’m still pretty sad, with a twinge of gratitude…can you imagine my TV debut being me rambling about Monica and Bill? Have you ever been on TV– or had your five seconds of fame?

Hieroglyphics

April 9, 2013

I recently caught up with my dear friend Robin. We met in elementary school– we sang in our Episcopal church’s children’s choir together and stayed close friends through middle school. When she transferred to the private school in town for high school, we drifted apart and reconnected years later– we even lived together for a couple of years in grad school. Anyhow, Robin is awesome and her family, sadly, is moving out of the DC area. When she came back into town to pack up her childhood room, she called none other than yours truly to help with the task.

While I could have helped her pack boxes or move things to storage, instead, we spent a couple of hours going through our old notes. Robin had saved a giant gift bag full of them, and we had a hay day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Most of the notes that we wrote each other made absolutely no sense– they read like hieroglyphics. We traded inside jokes, spoke of our crushes as “you know who”, and shared our darkest secrets in 10 character acronyms. IRTIMAHOBWS (I really think I might ask him out but we’ll see.) We folded our notes like origami and used only the finest sparkle gel pens.

Of course it was fun to read notes that Robin had shared with other mutual friends, but it should come as no surprise that I mostly scanned the giant pile for my handwriting. Here’s one of the gems that I found:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s too tiny to read, so I’ll give you the transcript. When folded, the outside of the note reads: “Guess how bored I was? Find out inside.” And if that opener doesn’t hook you, no need to read further. OK, here’s the note…

Robin,

Everyone writes “what’s up?” differently. Some people write w’sup, some people write wuz up, and it’s just so confusing!

To answer your two questions, I get up at 7:00 and I’m not asking out Jamie.

I’m not asking out Jamie because I heard 3 different…

Sorry, I ran out of ink. Anyhow,

I don’t like yellow, you can’t see it! Anyway, I heard 3 different stories from 3 different people.

1. Lee: I just got off the phone with Jamie and he said NO because your not good enough friends!

2. Meghan: I just got off the phone with Jamie and he said YES!

3. Elyse: I just got off the phone with Jamie and he wouldn’t tell me!

Is this possible? How’d he change his mind so quick? Who do I believe? Don’t repeat A WORD of this OK?!

We get TOO MUCH WORK!

I love, love, love this note. This was my middle school life– trying to navigate and understand my friends and the boys I liked. As much as I think we all gossiped as middle schoolers, I’m also proud that I never directly accused any of my friends of lying. I love that my writing followed no clear form of logic and that I explained the difficulties of writing in yellow ink. Most of all, I love that I still get up at 7:00 today. How little life has changed!

Have you saved any of your old notes? What notes would you be mortified or excited to find?

Pretty Pretty Princess

February 20, 2013

Many of you know from stalking my facebook wall that I had the distinct pleasure of being the guest of honor* at DC’s classiest event of all time, the inaugural ball**.  As someone who does not describe themselves as fancy, I strategically dolled up with the help of my friend and mentor, fashionista Stephie Hernandez. And because I recognize that all good blogging is about making the reader jealous, I am about to lay the e-smack down on your internet surfing time (in a nostalgic, middle/high-schooley sort of way.)

First, as I subtly hinted at above, I got dressed up. I mean real dressed up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The last time that I wore a floor length gown was high school prom. And for those of you that have known me that long, you may recall that I wore a mint green dress to match my date– a kermit-the-frog doll. Yes, that’s right, ladies. Going stag wasn’t enough for me– I had to force my friend to sew a tiny tuxedo for my cloth, amphibian boyfriend. Since then, I’ve really tried to stick to shorter dresses and dating humans. Progress!

Now, take a second to “oooohhh” and “aaahhh” at the entertainment. This is a photo of me and Lady Gaga***.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Man, I will tell you– she wailed, and I loved every second of it. I even shed a happy tear when she sang “You and I” (potentially my favorite song of hers followed closely by “Teeth” for its pure genius and “Government Hooker” for its pure hilarity.)

The last time I felt so musically gifted was the 5th grade honors assembly when I was chosen to sing, as a solo, the first verse of “The Circle of Life” from The Lion King. I may have been a clear soprano, but I was trying to mature my tone and sang the entire verse as a tenor. It’s possible that that was when I peaked.

Finally, as a personal friend of the President and First Lady, I wanted to share a special photo of our time together****. As always, the President bedazzled us with his charm and his thought-provoking words about ‘Merica.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I, too, have been asked to give speeches that would one day change the world. In the 8th grade, I was asked to speak at the graduation ceremony for those of us that were smart enough to make it to high school. The speech was very controversial among my teachers because my draft included mentions of rats in the girls locker room, stink bombs in the hallway, and Jerry Springeresque fights in the cafeteria. Mrs. Garille warned me, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” You’ll be glad to know that I didn’t listen to that old floozy and my speech was a hit!

All in all, I’d say the inaugural ball is a once-in-a-lifetime experience and I would really recommend that you consider attending. Not only did it bring back pleasant memories of my past, it opened a window into my inevitably perfect future.

 

 

 

*= By guest of honor, I mean I was there. I’m pretty sure people went to hang out with the Obamas and get the free cheez-its.

**=By the inaugural ball, I mean one of a bunch of fancy parties for politicians, schmoozers like me, and that homeless guy whose dreams have finally come true.

***=By me and Lady Gaga, I mean just Lady Gaga.

****=I found this photo by googling, “The Obamas on a plate.”

Nicole

January 29, 2013

As fair warning, I’m not aiming for wit, eloquence, or good writing of any kind today. I am merely sharing a moment in life with you because it matters.

Yesterday, I received a call from a friend– one of my former colleagues killed herself over the weekend. A bright, 21-year old graphic designer, full of creativity and sweetness. I didn’t know Nicole well, but I always liked her. She baked cupcakes and was into crocheting.  We joked about our trendy obsession with birds, and when I left my last job she made me a heart-shaped, bird-themed necklace. I spent yesterday swinging back and forth between hysterical crying and feeling completely numb.

Today, at her memorial, I read the letter she had written to her mom just before committing suicide. I will spare you the details. It should come as no surprise that Nicole was severely depressed. None of her co-workers, including myself, had any idea that she lived an unhappy and unhealthy life. But from what she wrote, it sounded like no one knew…not even her family or closest friends. To cope, she told no one.

In the past two days, I am left struck by her ability to hold in a secret as big as despair. Depression has never hit me that way– in my lowest moments in life, everyone has known. I cried publicly, I slept often, I ate rarely, and ultimately, I sought help. We often think that being ourselves is challenging, but this inauthenticity seems so much harder to keep up. I can’t imagine the energy that it took to fake happiness for years; she must have been exhausted.

And I can’t stop thinking that she’s just a kid. In the photos and paintings that lined the funeral home, I saw many of the good moments in her life that passed just as quickly as the bad. She had pets. She roller-skated. She played baseball. She took art class. She took trips to the beach. She played with other kids. I’ve spent the past year of my life reflecting on similar moments through this blog, and those are memories that shaped me and remind me that the world is good. Its incredibly cliche, but had she allowed it, her life could have been filled with happiness and hope. As kids, we dream of who we’ll become as adults. She could have grown up to be a successful artist, a wife, a mother, a woman who impacted her circle of friends and community.

Over the past month, the priest at my church has preached on the mantra: Want what you have. Be who you are. Do what you can.
(If you’re especially interested, you can listen to the three sermons here.) That message is helping me sleep in the midst of tragedy and feels appropriate not only for my everyday life, but for this particular moment.

Want what you have. I want to be surrounded by a community of people who deeply care for each other. I want to struggle in the most difficult times and rejoice in the happier moments because I am present.

Be who you are. If life is shitty, let people know its shitty. If life is great, share that, too. I am allowing myself to feel confused and overwhelmed. I am allowing myself to cry at work and to accept hugs from everyone. Not only does Nicole’s death inspire me to be myself, it inspires me to take more risks and open myself up to others.

Do what you can. I can’t change what has happened. But I’ve reminded people that I love them. I’ve donated to the National Alliance on Mental Illness. And I’ve recommitted myself to the belief that we are better off together.

A Look Back on 2012

January 1, 2013

Well, friends– as I begin a new year and set my goals for 2013, it’s important to reflect one last time and gauge the lessons learned. I’m pretty happy about this segment of the blog ending, as it was primarily humiliating to remind myself of my mediocrity on a quarterly basis. That being said, I’m happy with this past year of life and hoping to make the next one epic. Next year, I’m keeping my goals much simpler– work out more and be sedentary less.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(If you’re just tuning in, the grades below are a report card of my life progress representing each quarter. I ended the year with a B average, go figure.)

GOAL ONE: Be healthy in ways that nourish self and contribute to happiness.

Objective 1: Stay engaged in spiritual journey and self-understanding.

-Practice meditation (at least 1x/week) Looking back on the past year, I’m happy that I was able to integrate meditation into my life in some capacity. I’m still not any good at it, but sitting in silence is far more comfortable than it was before. D+/A/B/B+ 

-Continue to write my blog Still writing. You may be surprised to learn that I actually write way more than I post, but I try to save the good stuff for you. A+/A/B/B+

Objective 2: Become physically active on a consistent basis. Once a yo-yo-er, always a yo-yo-er. Running a half marathon in March! C/B+/B/B

-Join a running/hiking club Still a totally good idea. Hey, if two of you volunteer to take me hiking, I will go with you and a club we will be. D/F/F/F

-Compete in a race Ran in two races this quarter, and signed up for a biggie in March! A/A+/A/A

-Learn to ride a bike Do I really need to learn? What if I never learn, would that be so bad? D/C (for effort)/F/F

-Use the gym at your office (at least 1x/week) Totally going to the gym from time to time!. B-/C/C/B

Objective 3: Eat well for physical, mental, and emotional wellness.

-Eat breakfast at home and pack a lunch every weekday. Ummmm, this makes sense in concept much more than in actuality. Restaraunts in my work neighborhood are delicious! C/B/C/C+

-Quit soda (OK, you can have it 1x/month.) Coca-cola does a lot of bad things– people use it in crime scenes, to clean drains, and to torture me and test my will-power.  B-/C+/B-/B

-Experiment with vegetables. Recent “experiements” include butternut squash lasagna and sweet potato enchiladas. Go me! C+/B/B/B

GOAL TWO: Create new and maintain existing relationships that are fun, supportive, and reciprocal.

Objective 1: Keep in touch with current friends.

-Send one email per week to an out-of-touch friend. Although I wasn’t perfect with this, I love this tradition– 2013 will continue to have many-an-email sent to long lost friends. B/C-/B-/B

-Start book club again. Had book club, but didn’t finish the book . Just joined a second book club– applaud my ambition, please! A+/D/D/B

-Be reliable—call people back, say yes when possible. Trying! B/A/B+/A

Objective 2: Create new friendships that have aligned interests.

-Join alumni associations—Elon, IU, and AmeriCorps I did go to one IU Alumni event, but it was mostly for the free food and booze. C/B-/C/B

-Stay involved in YNPNdc (Young Nonprofit Professionals Network) Finished my term with YNPNdc, and still attending events of interest when I can. A/A+/B+/B

GOAL THREE:  Achieve short term stability to begin focusing on long term aspirations.

Objective 1: Save money and invest where possible.

-Increase savings I am really feeling proud of myself in this arena. I started regularly saving for the first time ever. I also started my retirement account! A+/A+/B+/A

-Actively maintain a budget OK, let’s not overdo it. I did just say that I just started a retirement account. B/C/C/C

-When the choice is available, eat at home Let’s be honest– this choice is almost always available. But eating out is just so fun! D/C/C/C

Objective 2: Work towards achieving happiness in career.

-Continue to explore other career opportunities for life in general I got a new job! It’s been really fun (and challenging, of course) to learn about a new issue area and develop a new set of professional skills. B-/A+/A+/A+

-Highlight the positives in current job, especially when feeling frustrated Right now, my big life question is around work-life balance. Still trying to figure out how much I want, how much I need, and where that’s possible. B+/A/A/A

-Engage with others in fundraising and communications It’s been harder to do this because I’m not in fundraising/comms anymore, rather doing work in strategic partnership building. But I’m staying involved where I can! A/A/B+/B

Objective 3: Explore geographic locations for next adventure.

-Visit friends who live in interesting places Big trips coming up in 2013. Watch out for me, Jessica and Robin! C-/B/B/B

-Save up to take trip to Ireland There were a couple of days where some friends emailed about impulsively going to Ireland through a Groupon. Groupoff, apparently.  F/F/F/D

-Gain a better understanding of what makes a place “home” Enjoying this town and all it has to offer… A+/A+/A+/A+

 Did you achieve your goals in 2012? What are your new year’s resolutions for 2013?

Learning to Read

December 20, 2012

I am notoriously “that girl” at book club that doesn’t finish the book. I’ve always got a really good excuse, though– I was super busy at work, I needed to catch up on sleep, the imaginary dog ate my book, etc. etc. But, let’s be honest, folks– I just don’t have a great attention span for reading. I love flipping through blogs, magazine articles, the occasional poem or short story, but I so rarely have the patience for memoirs or historical fiction.

Have I always been this way? (Thanks for asking, great transition opportunity.) The short answer: YES. As a kid, I was not a big reader. During our family vacations, each of us got to pick out a book for the trip– I usually picked out the Seventeen magazine until my parents told me that I needed to find more admirable pursuits than picking the perfect lipstick color or finally understanding the phrase “that’s what she said.”

As you all know, I’m an actress at heart– this has led me to play an excellent reader in the performance called life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here’s a photo of me (bottom left, rocking the bright yellow turtle neck) and my fourth grade class. Notice Ms. Taylor-Williams in the back, who was totally obsessed with elephants. In an aim to impress her, I purchased an abnormal number of books about elephants and brought them to class, giving off the impression that I was actually reading them. I also clipped out relevant articles in newspapers and magazines, keeping the elephant’s story timely and top-of-mind. Surprise, surprise– I was an A+ student that year.

Flash forward to high school. English class was consistently a favorite because I love(d) writing and the sound of my own voice. I would raise my hand strategically in the beginning of class to answer the easy questions like, “So, who enjoyed this week’s reading?” In fact, I came to discover just how easy it was to answer questions about the assignment without actually reading a page. Some examples below:

• Q: What was the character’s motivations?
• A: They were really displeased with life, faced a challenging moment, and needed to make a decision that would help them turn a new leaf. BOOM.
• Q: How would you describe the relationship between character A and character B?
• A: Unhealthy. Character A and B, whether caught in fits of passion or rage, are not treating each other well– and their relationship in its current stage is not sustainable. BOOM.
• Q: What did you think of the ending?
• A: Shocking. I wish there had been another chapter to tell you what really happened. BOOM AGAIN.

And that was how I became an A+ student in English.

Now, as a full-fledged adult, I’m trying to discover the joys of reading in an honest way– no more skimming or cliff notes. This is not to say that I’m incapable of “getting into it”, as I so easily did with The Hunger Games, but that’s just not a regular occurrence for me. Usually, I can’t sit still long enough to concentrate or I read one paragraph that sends my mind on a tangent. I know that reading more would add great value to my life– it’d inspire introspection and challenge my view of the world. It could serve as an escape. Reading more would improve my writing.

I’m fantasizing about being one of those people...a reader. What’s a reader, you ask? Someone who stays up all night to finish a book, someone who listens to an audio-book on a long car trip, or someone who randomly quotes authors. To get me started, I’ve created a reading list for 2013 and I’m trying to choose books that inspire, challenge, and entertain. I’m trying to think about the goals I have for my life and find books that reflect that. (As example, one of my favorite books of 2012 was all about cheese, a long-standing passion of mine.)

Are you a big reader, and how does reading impact and influence your life? What’s on your book list now?

 

 

Giving Back

December 8, 2012

Last week, I got to meet some really famous people. Now, I’ve met famous people before (my mom and I actually met Kevin Bacon last year), but these folks are more up my alley– Sherry and John, from Young House Love. They write an awesome blog about DIYing your home, and even though I’m not the least bit crafty, I enjoy pretending to be crafty and surround myself with creative folk. As example, my friend Stephie is really awesome at thrifting and putting together one helluva outfit. My friend Catherine knows how to make rooms and spaces look classy on the cheap. I, on the other hand, am just cheap. I go through really irresponsible bouts of spending money and living like a hermit. But YHL, Stephie, and Catherine got me to thinking…it’s not just creative cheapness that should be rewarded, but all kinds of writing.

That is exactly why, in the spirit of the season, I’m featuring the blogs of my friends and strangers– the blogs that inspire me to best Colleen possible and appreciate the world. I hope you’re able to find a gem in here!

First, the musings of my friends…

• Evan and his fiction-writing pals lead Trop Magazine, a collection of stories that have made me both laugh and cry.
• Rachel writes about pregnancy and leading a healthy life while hubby Patrick takes a crack at his pending status as father.
• Stephie reminds me to consider both thrift and style as I dress each morning and shop each weekend.
• Catherine uses her eye for interior design to scour craigslist and find gems for all of us in the DC area.
• Charley and his buddies know that you gotta have a code and they communicate just that, quite eloquently.
• Megan takes lessons from her family on cooking, decorating, and the like through homegrown and hand-me-down
• Steve and his partner share the joys and challenges of the adoption process

Now, the blogical genius of friends I’ve not yet met…

• Duh, Young House Love– the inspiration for this post.
• Postcards sent in by strangers, sharing their most intimate (and thankfully, anonymous) secrets
• Malcolm Gladwell, my pop-psychology idol, talks about what he feels like.
• Gretchen Rubin shares her successes and failures through the happiness project.
• Seth Godin talks leadership, business, and all other things I aim for.
• Nonprofit Geek Alert! I can’t go a week without Beth Kanter or checking in on charity: water.
• My Bloomington homegirl, Jessica Quirk, shows me pictures of her outfits everyday…and I like it.

 

That’s a photo of me, Stephie, Catherine, John, and Sherry.

What are some of your favorite blogs? How will you be “giving back” this holiday season as I so generously did just now?